You can't motorboat a personality
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
