I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
