grandma shit on top of the toilet
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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