I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
