I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
