There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
