At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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