Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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