went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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