do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
