Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
