actually, I'm a sock model
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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