My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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