Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
