; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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