Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
