dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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