he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
