she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
