There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
