I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Someone signed my nipple.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
