He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
