covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
