you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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