You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
