Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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