I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
