I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I love you. Go after that dick
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
