My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
