So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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