Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
