Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
