you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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