he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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