It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
