So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
