Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
