the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
