I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
