We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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