I was born with a shot glass in my hand
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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