I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Randomize
