just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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