when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
