:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
How naked do you want me to be?
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