I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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