my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
