So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
