Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
