There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
