i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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