How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
