I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
