i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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