she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
porn star boner night. come get it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
