My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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