Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
