just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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