twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
How's work?
Spinning.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
