Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
