i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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