There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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