We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
