I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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