they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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