the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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