His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
