.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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