I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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