; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
